Alright Assholes here is a new deal for you.  Citi has come out with a new rewards credit card called the Citi Forward.  This card is a good all around rewards card and it offers some legit sign up bonuses.

Sign up bonuses

Citi Forward works throught the ThankYou Network, so if you already have a Citi card the points can be combined.  After you sign up, you can earn 5,000 ThankYou points for registering for paperless statements.  I always sign up for paperless statements because it becomes a huge hassle keeping track of all the statements card companies send me.  If you are a tree hip-hugger you get an added bonus of saving the environment too.  Once you spend $50 on your card you get an added 6,000 ThankYou points as well.  These points will be automatically added to your account and you can use them to either pay of student loans, receive gift cards, or get visa debit cards.  My preference is always to receive a $100 GC.  If you are not going to use it you can usually sell it to someone you know who always goes to Target or you can sell it back to giftcardbuyback.com.  So pretty much if you spend $50 and sign up for paperless statements you will earn $100.  If you have any questions on giftcardbuyback let me know as I have used their service quite a few times.

5x ThankYou points for buying food and booze

The Forward card gives you 5 ThankYou points for every dollars spent at restaurants, movies, music and books.  So if you are at the bar consider using this reward card instead of regular card.  Also, if you ever buy anything at Amazon.com use this card because the site is considered a bookstore.  Even if you don’t buy books you will get 5x ThankYou points, the only other card that comes close to matching this is the Chase Amazon.com Visa which gives you 6% cash back for a few months then drops to 3%.  I think of this card as my new entertainment card. If I am going to get dinner and a movie I will use the card.  If I am going to get sloshed after I see the movie I will use this card.

100 ThankYou points for paying

You earn 100 ThankYou points for paying your card each month.  This could be either the minimum or paying off your entire balance.  This equates to around 12 dollhairs extra a year just for being a good customer.  Your interest rate will also lower if you continue to pay on time, but this doesn’t really matter as this card has average APR.

Recommendations

All of you unemployed bastards take 5 minutes to sign up for this card and then take your $100 GC to Target and buy all Beer Thirty Lite you can afford.  Everyone else should take advantage of this card and sign up.  Citi’s website is simple and it doesn’t take long to set up an external checking account to pay your monthly bill.

Here is your link to citi.com.

Suzy getting her grind on

First of all I would like to congratulate all of you that made it through the ridiculously easy task of going through college.  I would also like to put a shout out to all the hot cougars on Mother’s Day.  Uncle T. wanted to throw together some links for you to look at since you most likely do not have anything to do since you don’t have a job.

After getting some sense knocked into her Rihanna graduated to not wearing clothes (Egotastic)

With bikini. (FactorBlog)

Jordana Brewster, a fast chick who drives fast cars enough said.  Here are her Maxim Photos. (Laxtime)

Uncle Tony used to remember when the Real World on MTV used to be good.  One was guaranteed 30 minutes of hot broads, shower scenes, drunken debauchery, and great confessional moments.  Not putting 2-3 co-eds in this season forced Uncle T. to boycott the damn show.  Have no fear though Johanna from Real World XXVIII just did a Maxim shoot.  FYI she still looks great.  (BumpShack)

Steve Levy (SportsCenter) likes moms more than Uncle T.  (Busted Coverage)

So as all of you White Sox fans know Scotty Pods is back in Chicago. What you might not have known is that he has one of the hottest wives in sports  Lisa Dergan.  (LisaDergan)

Retarded Policeman # 18 “Underage Girls”-Hello McFly

Oh Yea Allison Stokke is back (DeadSpin)

If you want to make $3 for surveys that are about 10 minutes you should join PineCone Research.  This is my favorite paid survey site now, and they only accept new members every so often.  The best part is that they pay you via PayPal within a few days.  Here is the link to a previous review I did on the company.  Recently, I have been getting surveys almost every week so this site is really paying out well.  Sign up quickly before they stop adding new members.

http://www.pineconeresearch.com/signup/ds534Referral1.asp

In sad news, a fine establishment in Edwardsburg Michigan was recently shut down on charges of prostititution and drug charges.  The good news is that a HIV positive stripper is now in jail, saving hundreds of pervs from contracting the disease.  A two month investigation had been in place to investigate the club by the Cass County Drug Enforcement Team and the Michigan Liquor Control Commission.  This investigation ended in a raid that landed six dancers in jail.  One of the dancers “Star” was HIV positive and was charged with HIV endagerment.  So if any of you boys were getting dances with Star you should probably go get tested ASAP.

According to Case law prostitution is defines “as money exchanged for stimulation over clothing in the genital area as well as intercourse or penetration.”  Obviously, this is a little overblown, if one dancer happens to touch someone’s johnson they consider it prostitution.  An undercover officer asked a dancer for $50 in cocain and the dancer produced it for him.  This is the only legit charge against the place.  For allegedly $5,000 one could buy out the whole club and the dancers would go completely naked.  For $500 you could have two dancers for two hours and bottle of liquor.  In my opinion the prostitution charges are bologna, but the drug charges should be enforced.  Hopefully they will clean this place up and turn it around into a successful establishment again.   The club has been temporarily shut down due to health concerns and it has not been ruled out that it will be closed forever.  Check out the whole story at the Niles Star.

If you got any inside information you want to share with the wi11is feel free click on contact the wi11is.

I know you are disapointed Ben.

Your mom will love you when you send her a Hallmark card for Mother’s Day.  We at the Wi11is have found a sweet deal for all you penny pinching assholes.  Hallmark will even mail it out for you so you don’t have to pay for any postage.  I don’t know how long this deal will last so get to it.  Here’s what you do…

1. Create an account on Hallmark.com (all you need is an email account)
2. Pick out a 5×7 Card from here (there are about 50 to choose from)
3. Customize it
4. Go to checkout and enter promo: CARD4MOM
5. Hallmark will ship it out for free and your mom will tell all of her friends how nice you are

Politically Correct.

No words necessary.

Since it is now the begining of GPII (Great Depression 2) I figured I would share with you another way to make some quick money.

The first way is just for college students or those who want to save for their future college students.  Currently the Ohio College Advantage 529 offers a $25 refer a friend program.  All you have to do is be refered by moi or one of your friends and fund $25 into the account.  Within a week an addition deposit of $25 will be deposited into your account.  You will have to use 2439830 as your referrer ID to get the $25.  They allow you to withdraw the funds five days after the transaction.   All you have to do then is pay for your education.   Their is a quick link on their website where you can find your school and they will send a check to pay for your tuition.  That is a quick way to make $25 that will take you about 2 weeks to complete.

You will need:

• Social Security numbers for yourself
• Your driver’s license or state-issued I.D. card.
• The birth date of the beneficiary.
• A check (which displays your bank account number and routing number) so you can fund the account via electronic funds transfer (EFT). You must make your initial contribution via an EFT transaction from your checking or savings account.
• A valid email address.
• Referrer ID: 2439830
• Your initial $25 investment

If you choose not to withdraw your funds to pay for school you can actually invest in the future for one of your children, niece, nephew, or cousins to use. If you have any questions about this hit up contact The Wi11is.

The next way to make some money is through a peer to peer lender called Lending Club.  They offer you $50 if you are referred to be a lender.  This is basically free money.  The only catch is you have to invest the $50 in a note or in a lender.  Once you invest it once you can withdraw it.  I am not sure how long your note will take to mature.  I currently am invested in a safe 7% yeilding note.  Once it matures I might stay in the program or I might not.  Click Contact The Wi11is and I will send you an invitation to join Lending Club and earn your $50 bonus, just be sure to put “lending club” as the subject and leave me your correct email. This is free money and there is no reason to turn it down.  Hit up The Wi11is if you need anything.

Jerry made a great move here.  The Bears traded Kyle Orten,there 2009 and 2010 first round picks, and a 2009 third round pick for Jay Cutler and a 2009fifth round pick (confusing I know).  I am hoping that he is going to be a building block for the Bears to build around for the ten years.  Hopefully this will help Earl Bennett and Chris Williams get their together.  Here are Jay’s Stats.

Age: 25

Birthplace: Santa Clause, IN

TD/INT: 54/37

Passer Rating: 87.1

Just in. Bears agree to terms with Orlando Pace.